My Dad thought of this one and considered it unfinished and "gave" it to me to see if I could finish it. But IMO it doesn't have to be longer to be finished so I consider what he gave me to be plenty to complete it. Every time I tried to add more to it, it just seemed wrong.
Laugh a tear,
Smile a frown,
Man was meant to be a clown.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Found my disk
I have found my disk of poetry and have just posed all that was on it here. Most have a date at the end and they are in random order. Some date back to elementary and then through my troubled years as a teen. So if anything seems out of character for who I am today, note the year it was actually written and it is a snapshot into my head at that moment.
I just quickly put each one up here but will be going back through to give a little background where I can.
As a rough guideline to the years which may help to understand what was going on at that point...
1976 I was born
1979? parents divorced (Dad got custody, Mom went her own way)
1985 Dad remarried
1993 finally gave up drugs due to a life scare from a particularly bad detox experience
1994 dropped out of HS this year
1996 Moved to AZ after being broken up with by my ex-fiance (we broke up the week I was to pick out my dress)
1997 Had my DD
1998 Lived in a shelter for a couple months with my baby after my Mom put us out
1999 Moved back to MI
2002 got married
2004 had my 1st son
2006 had my 2nd son
2010 Came out as a atheist to non-family
I just quickly put each one up here but will be going back through to give a little background where I can.
As a rough guideline to the years which may help to understand what was going on at that point...
1976 I was born
1979? parents divorced (Dad got custody, Mom went her own way)
1985 Dad remarried
1993 finally gave up drugs due to a life scare from a particularly bad detox experience
1994 dropped out of HS this year
1996 Moved to AZ after being broken up with by my ex-fiance (we broke up the week I was to pick out my dress)
1997 Had my DD
1998 Lived in a shelter for a couple months with my baby after my Mom put us out
1999 Moved back to MI
2002 got married
2004 had my 1st son
2006 had my 2nd son
2010 Came out as a atheist to non-family
WORK
WORK
So tired I am today
I've worked the night away
Sixty hours
Brings home the dollars
But pay-day's a week away
May 2002
So tired I am today
I've worked the night away
Sixty hours
Brings home the dollars
But pay-day's a week away
May 2002
WALL OF TIME
WALL OF TIME
Slowly through time,
I built myself a wall.
Each brick I laid,
Was made with pain.
Each brick I laid,
Was sealed with fear.
Soon it rose so high,
No one could reach me inside.
Then I thought,
I was truly happy.
But I would not, could not admit,
That deep inside I was truly lonely.
No one could see the pain I felt,
When hidden behind my wall.
I created my own world,
Feeling criticized by all.
I was afraid of what would happen,
If I allowed my wall to fall.
All I wanted was someone to talk to,
Someone I could trust.
For the first time,
I reached out for help.
I allowed people into my world,
And learned to walk in theirs.
Accepting help, I learned to deal with the pain,
Accept the fear.
I found happiness,
Then destroyed my wall.
August 1993
Slowly through time,
I built myself a wall.
Each brick I laid,
Was made with pain.
Each brick I laid,
Was sealed with fear.
Soon it rose so high,
No one could reach me inside.
Then I thought,
I was truly happy.
But I would not, could not admit,
That deep inside I was truly lonely.
No one could see the pain I felt,
When hidden behind my wall.
I created my own world,
Feeling criticized by all.
I was afraid of what would happen,
If I allowed my wall to fall.
All I wanted was someone to talk to,
Someone I could trust.
For the first time,
I reached out for help.
I allowed people into my world,
And learned to walk in theirs.
Accepting help, I learned to deal with the pain,
Accept the fear.
I found happiness,
Then destroyed my wall.
August 1993
TRUE SELF
TRUE SELF
Look inside
You'll fond yourself
The self you hide
To hide yourself
Is to cheat your self
Know who you are
If you think you are full of fear
You’ll find your strength
If you think you’re strong
You’ll find your weakness
If you’re full of hate
You’ll find love
On the surface you’re only half
Deep inside you’re only half
Two halves is one whole
Bond yourself with yourself
To fear one half
Is to fear your self
Half of self is nothing
Everything can control nothing
When you become whole
You have a balance
You have found your true self
You can love, live, laugh, and cry
Believe in your self
And others will believe in you
November 1995
Look inside
You'll fond yourself
The self you hide
To hide yourself
Is to cheat your self
Know who you are
If you think you are full of fear
You’ll find your strength
If you think you’re strong
You’ll find your weakness
If you’re full of hate
You’ll find love
On the surface you’re only half
Deep inside you’re only half
Two halves is one whole
Bond yourself with yourself
To fear one half
Is to fear your self
Half of self is nothing
Everything can control nothing
When you become whole
You have a balance
You have found your true self
You can love, live, laugh, and cry
Believe in your self
And others will believe in you
November 1995
TO THE FUTURE OF SOCIETY
TO THE FUTURE OF SOCIETY
You got what you wanted
You despise what you have
Now what you want
Is to...
Blame it on society!
You cut like a knife
Infecting the blood
You do this for hate
And you...
Do it to society!
The thoughts in your head
Fester till you can't see
You say there will be death
It will be...
Death to our society!
Choice of murder and hate
Blood spilled by all
sooner or later
We will be...
Extinct in our society!
Friendliness away from me
Hatred we will only see
Death to all society!
Extinct? We will surly be
Life draining away from me
Is this the future of society?
Get this away from me
For this is the future of society
To the future of society!
1994
You got what you wanted
You despise what you have
Now what you want
Is to...
Blame it on society!
You cut like a knife
Infecting the blood
You do this for hate
And you...
Do it to society!
The thoughts in your head
Fester till you can't see
You say there will be death
It will be...
Death to our society!
Choice of murder and hate
Blood spilled by all
sooner or later
We will be...
Extinct in our society!
Friendliness away from me
Hatred we will only see
Death to all society!
Extinct? We will surly be
Life draining away from me
Is this the future of society?
Get this away from me
For this is the future of society
To the future of society!
1994
THE YOU I WANT TO KNOW
THE YOU I WANT TO KNOW
When I look at you,
You mimic me.
When I smile,
You smile.
When I cry,
You cry.
When I laugh,
You laugh.
You are not the you
I used to know.
You are different from the you,
I grew to know.
I'm trying to figure you out,
For you will be with me until I die.
As I turn to walk away,
You walk away.
I quickly turn my head to see you,
And you are looking back at me.
I may never figure you out,
The you in my mirror.
May 1997
When I look at you,
You mimic me.
When I smile,
You smile.
When I cry,
You cry.
When I laugh,
You laugh.
You are not the you
I used to know.
You are different from the you,
I grew to know.
I'm trying to figure you out,
For you will be with me until I die.
As I turn to walk away,
You walk away.
I quickly turn my head to see you,
And you are looking back at me.
I may never figure you out,
The you in my mirror.
May 1997
30 ROSES
This poem was written to my Grandmother and I gave it to her along with this afghan which is made of 30 squares.
30 ROSES
A dozen roses,
Could not give thanks,
For the love that you have given.
Yet a single rose,
So pure and sweet,
Wilts shortly after it's given.
You may dry the rose,
To a delicate state,
And display it on the wall.
An untouchable memory,
That surly will crumble,
If ever it were to fall.
So this special gift,
I give to you,
Designed with love and care.
From granddaughter to grandmother,
Thirty roses,
You may display them anywhere!
May 1999
THE FAIR
THE FAIR
Laughing, joking, playing
Why is it so hard for some
Elephant ears, lemon aide, overpriced pizza
To many feel they are to busy
Butterflies in the stomach, going round and round, can we do it again?
Some find it to be childish, they are to old for this
Bumper cars, Tilt-O-Whirl, the zipper
you're never to old to ride the caterpillar roller coaster with a child!
Laughing, joking, playing
Why is it so hard for some
Elephant ears, lemon aide, overpriced pizza
To many feel they are to busy
Butterflies in the stomach, going round and round, can we do it again?
Some find it to be childish, they are to old for this
Bumper cars, Tilt-O-Whirl, the zipper
you're never to old to ride the caterpillar roller coaster with a child!
STRONG
Strong
I will not cry,
for I am strong!
I will not share,
the secrets are mine!
I will not laugh,
the pleasures are mine!
I will not sing,
songs are cheap!
I will not love,
love is weak!
If I do not cry,
am I weak?
If I do not share,
will the secrets sleep?
If I do not laugh,
will the pleasures be pain?
If I do not sing,
will my spirit weep?
If I do not love,
will I be a void?
Oct. 1996
Rachel Ann Zimmer
I will not cry,
for I am strong!
I will not share,
the secrets are mine!
I will not laugh,
the pleasures are mine!
I will not sing,
songs are cheap!
I will not love,
love is weak!
If I do not cry,
am I weak?
If I do not share,
will the secrets sleep?
If I do not laugh,
will the pleasures be pain?
If I do not sing,
will my spirit weep?
If I do not love,
will I be a void?
Oct. 1996
Rachel Ann Zimmer
REGRETS
Regrets
How many faces can you hide?
How many lies do you keep inside?
How much guilt can you hold?
You know some day you will explode!
You are in distress
Your mind is a mess
You have nowhere to go,
You're falling down an endless hole.
This started out as a game;
Your life will never be the same.
On this planet you have not right
Your life has been one long fight.
You are fighting for what's unknown,
Though in your mind you're all alone.
Ignorance has mothered all mankind,
Justice and sanity you cannot find.
In the dark you're fears come true,
They chase you when there’s nothing to do.
You lived your life your own way;
You regret it to this very day.
1992
How many faces can you hide?
How many lies do you keep inside?
How much guilt can you hold?
You know some day you will explode!
You are in distress
Your mind is a mess
You have nowhere to go,
You're falling down an endless hole.
This started out as a game;
Your life will never be the same.
On this planet you have not right
Your life has been one long fight.
You are fighting for what's unknown,
Though in your mind you're all alone.
Ignorance has mothered all mankind,
Justice and sanity you cannot find.
In the dark you're fears come true,
They chase you when there’s nothing to do.
You lived your life your own way;
You regret it to this very day.
1992
RAYS OF LIGHT
RAYS OF LIGHT
We are all individual rays of light,
Shining bright,
In this sometimes dark world.
And when we are together,
It is truly A great feeling,
That would be hard for anyone to ignore.
April 2002
We are all individual rays of light,
Shining bright,
In this sometimes dark world.
And when we are together,
It is truly A great feeling,
That would be hard for anyone to ignore.
April 2002
PAINS OF FRIENDSHIP
PAINS OF FRIENDSHIP
Silently I sit,
Quietly watching you suffer.
I see your pain,
Inflicted by an uncaring lover.
I can say no words;
Your ears are deaf.
If you do not see,
There will be nothing left.
The way I feel,
You'll never know.
As you are hurt,
My suffering will grow.
You close your eyes;
I see what's ahead.
The suffering you allow,
Will destroy your head.
If your spirit breaks,
I will cry for you.
If your heart breaks,
I will love for you.
If your soul dies,
I will....
April 1997
Rachel Ann Zimmer
Silently I sit,
Quietly watching you suffer.
I see your pain,
Inflicted by an uncaring lover.
I can say no words;
Your ears are deaf.
If you do not see,
There will be nothing left.
The way I feel,
You'll never know.
As you are hurt,
My suffering will grow.
You close your eyes;
I see what's ahead.
The suffering you allow,
Will destroy your head.
If your spirit breaks,
I will cry for you.
If your heart breaks,
I will love for you.
If your soul dies,
I will....
April 1997
Rachel Ann Zimmer
ONLY FAITH WILL ABIDE
ONLY FAITH WILL ABIDE
Each persons life's a novel,
It's over when they die.
Our maker has the paper,
And the tools to write.
Only he knows how long the book is,
And the number of chapters inside.
He knows the plot and ending,
And how many pages it hides.
Through life we will discover,
His will to be uncovered.
For he gives us what we need,
To discover the story he wrote.
Each persons life's a novel,
It's over when they die.
Our maker has the paper,
And the tools to write.
Only he knows how long the book is,
And the number of chapters inside.
He knows the plot and ending,
And how many pages it hides.
Through life we will discover,
His will to be uncovered.
For he gives us what we need,
To discover the story he wrote.
MY CHILD
My Child
I stand above you
Watching you sleep
I gently move the strands of hair
Form your innocent face
Loving you from deep within my heart
I gently stroke your soft cheek
So grateful I feel
To be your mother
I pull up the covers
To make sure you are warm
I bend to kiss your forehead
And softly whisper "I love you"
Some day you will have a family
And then the soft touches
Gentle kiss and "I love you's"
Will be passed on to another generation.
Mar. 2002
Rachel Ann Gough
I stand above you
Watching you sleep
I gently move the strands of hair
Form your innocent face
Loving you from deep within my heart
I gently stroke your soft cheek
So grateful I feel
To be your mother
I pull up the covers
To make sure you are warm
I bend to kiss your forehead
And softly whisper "I love you"
Some day you will have a family
And then the soft touches
Gentle kiss and "I love you's"
Will be passed on to another generation.
Mar. 2002
Rachel Ann Gough
LITTLE BOXES
LITTLE BOXES
Little boxes
All in a row.
Little boxes,
Tied with a bow.
Little boxes,
Velvet outside.
Little boxes,
Satin lined.
Little boxes,
Rings they hide.
Little boxes,
For your bride.
July 2, 2002
Little boxes
All in a row.
Little boxes,
Tied with a bow.
Little boxes,
Velvet outside.
Little boxes,
Satin lined.
Little boxes,
Rings they hide.
Little boxes,
For your bride.
July 2, 2002
LIFE
LIFE
The sun gives warmth,
Warmth for growth.
The rain give water,
Water for soil.
The wind blows seeds,
Seeds of life.
If we do not smile,
We are cold.
If we do not cry,
Our foundation is dry.
If we do not talk,
The message is dead.
The sun gives warmth,
Warmth for growth.
The rain give water,
Water for soil.
The wind blows seeds,
Seeds of life.
If we do not smile,
We are cold.
If we do not cry,
Our foundation is dry.
If we do not talk,
The message is dead.
FREEDOM
Freedom
Freedom to think,
Freedom to live,
Freedom to be.
Walking down the street
People expect these things,
Without thought as to where they come.
The right to listen to what you want,
The right to speak what you feel,
The right to be with whom you love.
Some will never feel this freedom,
Some will never know these rights,
Some will never understand.
The love of your country,
The love for your brother,
The love for your god.
Some may stand up for pride,
Some may stand for respect,
Many will stand for freedom.
To those who do not stand,
To those who do not know,
May our message not be lost.
May 2002
Freedom to think,
Freedom to live,
Freedom to be.
Walking down the street
People expect these things,
Without thought as to where they come.
The right to listen to what you want,
The right to speak what you feel,
The right to be with whom you love.
Some will never feel this freedom,
Some will never know these rights,
Some will never understand.
The love of your country,
The love for your brother,
The love for your god.
Some may stand up for pride,
Some may stand for respect,
Many will stand for freedom.
To those who do not stand,
To those who do not know,
May our message not be lost.
May 2002
Fly
I remember writing this one in elementary
Fly
To fly is to be free,
To soar about endlessly.
To wander through the clear blue sky,
To see the world from up high.
To see life for what it's worth,
Looking down so far from Earth.
From such a great height,
We are neither black nor white.
So let your mind soar,
You will learn so much more!
Fly
To fly is to be free,
To soar about endlessly.
To wander through the clear blue sky,
To see the world from up high.
To see life for what it's worth,
Looking down so far from Earth.
From such a great height,
We are neither black nor white.
So let your mind soar,
You will learn so much more!
DESSERT
Actually inspired by a peanut-butter pie which is so rich!
DESSERT
Stomach rumbles in anticipation
I wait patiently till I can have some
Mouth watering, stomach aching
Is it time?
I slowly cut through
Respecting the delicious concoction
Feeling the knife reach the bottom and slide
Pause for a second
Gently move the fork under the piece
Carefully lifting it out of the pan onto the dish
I press the side of the fork into the creamy smoothness
Bring it to my mouth
Yet another pause
I close my eyes
Then...
Flavor explodes
So rich as it fills my mouth
I savor every last moment
I hold it in my mouth
Every taste bud is borough to life
Slowly it melts away
I take another piece and do the same
Only small bites
I must make it last
June 3, 2002
DESSERT
Stomach rumbles in anticipation
I wait patiently till I can have some
Mouth watering, stomach aching
Is it time?
I slowly cut through
Respecting the delicious concoction
Feeling the knife reach the bottom and slide
Pause for a second
Gently move the fork under the piece
Carefully lifting it out of the pan onto the dish
I press the side of the fork into the creamy smoothness
Bring it to my mouth
Yet another pause
I close my eyes
Then...
Flavor explodes
So rich as it fills my mouth
I savor every last moment
I hold it in my mouth
Every taste bud is borough to life
Slowly it melts away
I take another piece and do the same
Only small bites
I must make it last
June 3, 2002
BROKEN LOVE
BROKEN LOVE
Lover why?
You broke my heart!
Asked me to marry you,
Said, "We'll never part."
You did me wrong,
You felt no love!
You drained my heart,
With a killers black glove!
I cannot stop,
What is meant to be.
But I can protest,
When you patronize me!
Best friend,
You took my lover!
The things you say,
You needn't bother!
Think of me,
I'm in pain!
My lover now yours,
It's insane!
In my soul,
Sings a tainted song.
No more will I act,
As though nothing's wrong!
Hurt by you,
once lover now foe!
Hurt by you,
Friend please go!
Nov. 1996
Rachel Ann Zimmer
Lover why?
You broke my heart!
Asked me to marry you,
Said, "We'll never part."
You did me wrong,
You felt no love!
You drained my heart,
With a killers black glove!
I cannot stop,
What is meant to be.
But I can protest,
When you patronize me!
Best friend,
You took my lover!
The things you say,
You needn't bother!
Think of me,
I'm in pain!
My lover now yours,
It's insane!
In my soul,
Sings a tainted song.
No more will I act,
As though nothing's wrong!
Hurt by you,
once lover now foe!
Hurt by you,
Friend please go!
Nov. 1996
Rachel Ann Zimmer
A LOVE FOR LIFE
A LOVE FOR LIFE
I love to live,
To laugh and cry.
To hike the trails,
Under the open sky.
To stand upon,
A mountain high.
To spread my arms,
As the wind blows by.
To smell the salt,
The ocean breeze brings.
To hear the sax,
As the blues singer sings.
To see the sun rise,
Over the Rockies high.
To be sitting on the beach,
As it leaves the sky.
The caves and the caverns,
Hidden under the sand.
A wondrous beauty,
Which must be seen first hand.
How can you be content,
Sitting in your chair?
Knowing the wonders of the world,
Are still out there!
2000
Rachel Ann Zimmer
I love to live,
To laugh and cry.
To hike the trails,
Under the open sky.
To stand upon,
A mountain high.
To spread my arms,
As the wind blows by.
To smell the salt,
The ocean breeze brings.
To hear the sax,
As the blues singer sings.
To see the sun rise,
Over the Rockies high.
To be sitting on the beach,
As it leaves the sky.
The caves and the caverns,
Hidden under the sand.
A wondrous beauty,
Which must be seen first hand.
How can you be content,
Sitting in your chair?
Knowing the wonders of the world,
Are still out there!
2000
Rachel Ann Zimmer
5,000 FEET
This was about my 1st skydiving experience. We went static line (meaning the shoot is pulled automatically when you leave the plane).
5,000 FEET
5,000 feet
The door swings open
The wind rushes in
Sitting, legs over the edge
Step out, hold on
hanging under the wing
Look up, let go
Arms and legs spread wide
You only here the wind
Floating through the air
The cord is pulled
A colorful canopy opens above
The earth is so far away
Tiny specks dot the ground
Break left
Break right
Swinging and spinning
Am I really here
The ground gets closer
The trees get bigger
1,000 feet
find your spot
Soft left
Soft right
Only tiny adjustments
500 feet
Knees bent
watch the horizon
50 feet
Get ready
20 feet
FLAIR, FLAIR, FLAIR!
0 feet
The ride is over
Collect the shoot
Walk back
Gear up again
10-5-02
5,000 FEET
5,000 feet
The door swings open
The wind rushes in
Sitting, legs over the edge
Step out, hold on
hanging under the wing
Look up, let go
Arms and legs spread wide
You only here the wind
Floating through the air
The cord is pulled
A colorful canopy opens above
The earth is so far away
Tiny specks dot the ground
Break left
Break right
Swinging and spinning
Am I really here
The ground gets closer
The trees get bigger
1,000 feet
find your spot
Soft left
Soft right
Only tiny adjustments
500 feet
Knees bent
watch the horizon
50 feet
Get ready
20 feet
FLAIR, FLAIR, FLAIR!
0 feet
The ride is over
Collect the shoot
Walk back
Gear up again
10-5-02
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